how can u be prego again
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
