never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
