how can u be prego again
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
