fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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