im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
