Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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