Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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