cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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