i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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