I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
