Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
