if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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