she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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