Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
