I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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