I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
