I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
