Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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