he wants to bone in the snuggie
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Randomize
