You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
