im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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