I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
