Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
