I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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