check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
