i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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