Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
