I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
