where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
