new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
