is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
