Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
did i just pee glitter
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
