Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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