P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
