Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
