so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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