i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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