please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
