I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
