is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
