bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
