im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
