I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
