Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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