they need to just BURY HIM!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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