my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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