i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
