don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
