I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
