Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
