This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
