I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I've blown a few things in my day
i just sent this text using only my big toe
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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