stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
